FTS Humor: The Trial Lawyer Will See You Now

By Andrew Ripemoff

Colorado Senate Democrats have stepped up to the plate and have finally begun addressing a very serious problem facing our state. Trial lawyers, who clearly do not make enough money, can count on Dems for the recent advancement of Senate Bill 164, or as it's officially called: "The Trial Lawyer-Lexus Purchase Assistance Act of 2008."

SB-164, which is now being considered by the State House of Representatives, would raise the cap on medical malpractice awards. Senate Majority Leader Ken Gordon is a strong supporter of the bill and is helping to push it though the legislature. On a side note, it will completely shock you to learn that Gordon is a member of the Colorado Trial Lawyer Association, which, as you can imagine, is a real fun and happy-go-lucky bunch. Overheard at a recent CTLA lunch:

CTLA President: "Welcome to our monthly luncheon meeting. To start off, I just want to remind all members that before you are served any food, you must sign the four different waivers, releasing us from any liability in the event that you spill potato salad on your suit.

Now our first order of business today concerns the lawsuit we have filed against the Girl Scouts, who maliciously gave us a box of Samoans instead of the Thin Mints that we had ordered both verbally and through written documentation. Furthermore....."

While Gordon, Senate President Peter Groff, and their galloping gang of greedy attorneys do their part to help out humanity by increasing trial lawyer profits, the Colorado Medical Society, individual doctors, and healthcare workers voiced their opposition to the bill for its mandated raise to the cap on noneconomic damages. These damages include "pain and suffering" and another legal category described as "disfigurement and impairment."

Because these terms can get confusing, I want to be clear that when they say "disfigurement" they are talking about "physical deformity" and when they say "impairment" they are talking about Ken Gordon’s judgement. Have you listened to him try to justify this bill? I have. And now I want to sue HIM for pain and suffering.

He told the Rocky Mountain News that the SB-164 is not as scary as everyone (including the Denver Post editorial board) is making it out to be. He says that the measure, "only applies to a small number of extreme cases," which, I guess, is why Democrat legislators have spent so much time focusing on it.

Thankfully though, there is at least one member of the Senate majority with some level of common sense. Sen. Bob Hagedorn, D-Aurora of Aurora put it accurately when he told the Rocky: "This is not going to lead to better medical care. But it will lead to more costly medical care."

In fact, doctors estimate that if this bill is passed into law, their malpractice insurance rates will rise between 12 to 14 percent - an increase that fortunately will be absorbed by magical genies. Or maybe not. Historical evidence points to this double digit cost increase being passed onto patients, thereby increasing our health insurance premiums and medical bills, while having the added benefit of reducing service to rural areas.

Now some of you reading this may have too much money. I understand that. Maybe you WANT to blow those excess checking account funds on higher medical costs. In that case, you need to thank Gordon, Groff, and their galloping gang of greedy attorneys for raising the cost of practicing medicine in our state. Thank them for helping to reduce available medical services. Thank them, for remembering that in the middle of all this talk about health care and the uninsured, we should never forget about the plight of the hard working little guy, and by "little guy," I mean: the medical malpractice lawyer.

So thank you again Mr. Gordon. And while we are not nearly as bright as you are when it comes to health-related issues, allow us to offer you just one little piece of advice: The next time you find yourself at the doctor’s office for your annual physical, undressed and vulnerable to cold gloves and medical instruments, it may not be a good time to tell your doctor about your involvement in SB-164.