By Andrew Ripemoff
So we’ve just learned that the anointing of the new Messiah (otherwise known as Barack Obama) will now take place at Invesco Field at Mile High.
This August, 75,000 devoted followers will shed tears of joy as they raise their hands in worship at the coronation of their risen King. And although you won’t see a shining cross rising high above a hill, there will be a large white ceramic horse rising high above a King Soopers billboard.
Invesco Fieldcompujeramey/Flickr
Our Savior’s move from the Pepsi Center will cost the Denver's Democratic National Convention host committee an additional $3 million dollars. This really shouldn’t be a problem. I mean, when you’re already $15 million in the hole, what’s another $3 million?
You heard about that, right?
The host committee was supposed to raise $40.6 million dollars by June 16th. It seems, however, they’re a little shy of the goal, resulting in the cancellation of previously scheduled events and parties. The Republican convention is already paid for, but we’re not going to rub that in Democrat faces, or constantly remind them that OUR CONVENTION IS PAID FOR AND YOURS IS BROKE. NANER NANER, NAH, NAH.
The move to Invesco is an attempt to harken back to the day of JFK’s 1960 acceptance speech in the L.A. Memorial Colosseum. Democrats are always trying to harken back to the days of JFK. This got me thinking about Camelot, and legacy, which led me to ask an important question: "What does ‘harken’ mean?"
It also led me to ask: "Why would they try to compare Obama to Kennedy? Other than vowels in their names, would could they possibly share in common? JFK cut taxes. JFK served with distinction in WWII. JFK and his wife loved America. You’d think that if these people have fond memories of a tax-cutting, patriotic war hero from the Senate, John McCain would be their guy.
But no. Obama-mania is all the rage now, and when you really think about it, why not? Especially when you consider all he’s accomplished. I’m going to list all of them starting now...
10 MINUTES LATER
Just give me another second here.....
20 MINUTES LATER
I’m still thinking. Don’t pressure me...
30 MINUTES LATER
Actually, let’s go over his accomplishments later, because I’d like to get back to all the buzz and excitement this outdoor speech is generating. The crowd may be huge. The stadium will be full of 75,000 passionate Obama supporters, plus another 15,000 members of the media. In other words, there’ll be 90,000 passionate Obama supporters there.
Take Rocky Mountain News columnist Mike Littwin for example. Here’s what he wrote in the July 8th RMN:
"The one thing everyone will remember from this convention is the historic speech made under Colorado skies."
"Obama standing before tens of thousands of people.....joined under a Rocky Mountain sky where possibilities seem as endless and luminous as the many Broncos’ skyboxes shining from above."
Give Obama credit. He’s the only guy who gets glowing reviews for speeches he hasn’t given yet.
There are countless others who shower praise on this Chicago prophet too. And because they treat the guy like Jesus, I’m halfway expecting that the almighty Obama will produce a biblical miracle for us on August 28th. You never know. The huge crowd may start to get hungry, so maybe he will provide loaves and fishes for the crowd. That is, assuming the fish is NOT fried, and the bread is made with at least 70 percent locally grown organic products as determined by pre-cooked weight in hues representing at three of the five DNC mandated colors.
And there are other hopes I have. Questions too. Like:
- Will Jeremiah Wright give the invocation? If not, why? If he truly is the Senator’s "spiritual mentor," shouldn’t he be granted this prestigious forum?
- Will Nancy Pelosi be upset at Senate Bill 200 if a group of male transvestites follow her into the ladies room?
- Seeing as how it’s the Broncos' home and all, will the DNC hire a loud, overweight, half-naked man to wear a barrel, thus assuming the role of famous Barrel Man? And if so, wouldn’t former President Clinton be an ideal candidate?
-Broncos tradition also dictates that a horse laps the field after every score. So will there be a horse that rides celebratory laps after every new massive Obama spending proposal? And could a horse survive this workout?
- Will Barbara Streisand have a VIP seat? And will her nose have one too?
- Will the DNC eventually get out of that $15 million dollar hole?
Which leads us to the most important question of all:
- If these people can’t seem to fiscally manage a four-day party, why should we trust them with the world’s largest economy?
Can I get an "Amen?"