FTS Humor: Colorado Democrats' tribute to Michael Jackson

By Andrew Ripemoff

The funeral of Michael Jackson is scheduled for July 7, and millions of mourners are trying to cope.

Asim Bijarani/Flickr

What does this have to do with political news? Well, I couldn’t thing of anything else to write about. Besides, in 2002, the King of Pop sang at a Democratic National Committee fundraiser.

So, in light of MJ’s fondness for democrats, we thought it would be appropriate to honor him with a Colorado Democratic slant on some his more popular hits. (For best effect, snap your fingers while singing.)

"Michael B" Sung to the tune of "Billie Jean"

Well Salazar went and left his seat, to be secretary.
I said don’t mind but what do you mean, who is the one?
Who will vote, on the floor, in the round?
I said who is the one?
Who will vote, on the floor in the round?

He told me his name was Michael B, and wants the seat.
And every Dem said that they dreamed of being the one.
Who will vote, on the floor, in the round.

People always told Ritter, be careful who you choose.
Don’t go around, breaking DeGette’s heart.
And Hickenlooper told him, I’m the one you love.
And be careful who you choose, or Hispanics' vote you’ll lose.

Hey, hey, hey.

Well Michael B, is not my senator.
He’s just a boy, who thinks that he is the one.
But for votes, he’s never gotten one.
He says he is the one.
But for votes, he ain’t got one.

"Ritter" Sung to the tune of "Thriller"

It’s close to midnight, and something evil’s lurking under the dome.
Under florescent lights, those dems are raising taxes on your home.
You start to scream, scared of tax and spending legislation.
You start to freeze, cause they raised fees on your car’s registration.
You really hate them.

Cause this is Ritter. Ritter’s fight.
And no one’s going to save you from the taxes he will hike.
You know it’s Ritter. Ritter’s fight.
You’re fighting for your money against that killer, Ritter, tonight.

Terrance Carroll/Brandon Shaffer duet: "Ebony and Ivory"

Ebony and Ivory. Raising fees on us work-ing families.
Side by side in the cap-i-tol, oh no, how did we?

We all know, that liberals are the same, where ever you go.
There love to spend and spend. Yes, all of them.
They try to take.
They try to take the money, that we need to survive.
We’re barely alive.

"Beat It Ritter" Sung to the Lyrics "Beat It."

They told him don’t you ever come around here.
You vetoed labor bills, you better disappear.
Their words are pretty clear, no campaign money next year.
So beat it. Just beat it.

You’re gonna run, you better do what you’re told.
We’re macho union thugs, on dems we got a hold.
You think you hold the cards, but you better just fold.
So beat it.
But you want to be guv.

Just beat it, yeah, beat it.
A year from now, you’ll be defeated.
Show them you’re pro-union, you’re on their side.
It doesn’t matter, voters will decide.
Just beat it.

"Majority Leaders" Sung to "Man in the Mirror"

They should make a change. For once in their life.
It’s goin’ feel real good, put an end to, partisan strife.

Senior taxes rise, their promises are lies.
Putting us in a hole.

They’re like my master
They just passed FASTER
That’s why I want them to know...

I’m starting with the Majority Leaders
I’m asking them to change their ways.
And all the voters, couldn’t be any clearer.
If you want to make the state a better place
In 2010, then make that, change.

"We Are the Dems" Sung to the Tune of: "We Are the World"

We are the Dems, we’re the lawmakers.
We are the ones who talk about restraint, but we’re just fakers.
There’s a choice we’re making, we’re spending all your dough.
It’s true, we’re putting the state billions in the hole.

We are the Dems, we’re legislators.
We are the ones who love to raise your fees. And TABOR haters.
There’s choices we’re making. And that pain will soon be felt.
But hey, at least we made you, buckle your seat belt.

***

Okay, you can stop snapping your fingers now. And to answer your question: yes, I was going to do his hit song, "Bad," but that was too easy.