By Andrew Ripemoff
We awoke Wednesday morning to read the disturbing details of how of a Democrat and first term governor was charged with violating the people’s trust by engaging in illegal activity.
But enough about Bill Ritter, let’s talk about Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich. Even though the man hasn’t tried to jam an unconstitutional tax increase down our throats, he has been charged with attempting to sell a U.S. Senate seat. As the Associated Press reports, Blagojevich attempted to auction off the vacated seat.
Denouncing the action, Ritter spokesman Evan Dryer said that Ritter was appalled at the actions of his Democratic college, calling them "repulsive, disgusting, and unethical." Meanwhile, switching gears to the topic of Colorado’s vacant secretary of state position, Dryer reminded potential appointees that Wednesday is the deadline for candidates to submit their bid on eBay.
Speaking of the open secretary of state position, a liberal Web site has set up an Internet poll to gauge interest in Ritter’s potential choice. And in an highly unusual move, Secretary wannabe Ken Gordon has been emailing people to ask that they log onto the site and vote for him.
The email went on to say:
"Please help me stuff this ballot box so that I can be put in charge of overseeing the integrity of Colorado elections."
It appears that the U.S. Senate is close to passing a $15 billion bailout for American auto manufacturers. The package includes the creation of a governmental "Car Czar" to oversee the American car industry. And why not? You can take your Bill Gates and Steve Jobs. When it comes to REAL fresh and innovative new business ideas, I’ll take Christopher Dodd and Robert Byrd any day.
As part of the package, Congress is requiring the "Big Three" automakers to name vehicles after their gracious Senate benefactors. For example, there’s the 2009 Dodge Udall. It is made from tired old parts; it comes with a denim coating and a gray top. Although it will cost you a lot, this car unfortunately does not run at all. New green technology installed in the Dodge Udall prohibits the vehicle from operating because - let’s face it - that would be bad for the environment.
Then there’s the shiny new 2009 Chevy Salazar, which has some very unique features. When you test drive it, it goes slow and steady in the middle of the road. After you buy it, it quickly veers off to the left. Just a average, tiny, undistinguished sedan, this car actually thinks it’s a Supreme Court Justice.
Another version of the Chevy Salazar is the "John" model, which comes with faded yellow paint job. In other words, it’s not very bright. And what looks like numerous scratches on the body are actually ear marks. The "John" is also equipped with a truck bed, perfect for hauling pork back home.
Writing about a employer/employee pay dispute, Denver Post columnist Susan Greene wrote a very touching and sympathetic profile of a disgruntled employee, defending the young man as an "honors student" who is "struggling to feed himself."
By the way, the heroic employee in Greene’s column came here illegally. While we admire his determination to help his family, he did break the law by entering our country. His former employer? He’s a tax paying American working hard to run a business. Which brings us to:
LESSON #1 FOR ASPIRING JOURNALISTS
1) When reporting on conflict between people from two different countries, ALWAYS blame the American.
Greene went on to describe the worker’s plight as a "year of exploitation." This leads us to:
LESSON #2 FOR ASPIRING JOURNALISTS
2) When writing about "exploitation," make sure you are wearing your Che Guevara shirt.
To be fair, our research has found Greene is right about the exploitation issue. The mean old American boss apparently traveled to Guatemala, found a young man, and forced him, (at gunpoint), to cross the US/Mexico border illegally. After that, he then forced the illegal alien (again, at gunpoint) to go to Colorado, whereupon he began paying him $16 an hour to work, all the while allowing him to take classes at a charter school.
Okay. Maybe I exaggerate, however, Greene did report that since the young man hasn’t gotten paid, he had to sell his iPod.
Now THAT’S exploitation.
Attending the grand opening of the $32 million Grandview Avenue overpass in Arvada Monday, Sen. Ken Salazar called the project "a good demonstration" of President-elect Obama’s investment in our country’s infrastructure.
After being reminded that Obama hasn't yet taken office and had nothing to do with the project, Salazar paused for a moment before telling a reporter that the overpass represented the kind of wasteful greed typical of the Bush/Cheney war machine.
Good news from Greeley:
A gathering of Greeley horsemen have been given the honor of riding their horses in President-elect Obama’s inaugural parade. Working with large animals, of course, leads to unique logistical problems. When asked about how they will deal with the large quantities of horse manure, a spokesman for the group said: "We really have no control over Obama’s speech."
Colorado Businesses for Sensible Solutions, an issue committee, is looking to pay off its union-supporting campaign efforts with a big fundraiser. Although its members sent out many fancy invitations, we’ve found their robo-call message to be much more convincing:
RING, RING.
"Hey. I’m calling from Colorado Business for Sensible Solutions and we need your help. We’re $225,000 in debt. That’s how sensible we are. Anyway, as you may recall, the unions convinced us to enter into an agreement where we had to spend millions of dollars helping them fight business-friendly ballot measures. To retire this debt, we’re asking you to join us at a fundraiser at the Palm restaurant on Monday, Dec. 15. Denver Mayor John Hickenlooper will personally greet everyone who arrives. But please don’t let that stop you from attending."
"As the invitation says, the "REQUESTED MINIMUM CONTRIBUTION" is $2,000 per person. But that’s just a suggestion. You can bring less of course, like, say, 30 bucks. In which case, we’ll 'request' you go to the ATM machine. So basically, it will cost you $2,000 a plate. Yes, I realize that’s a lot of money, but these are very nice plates. Fine classy china with a very elegant pattern. A LOT better than those flimsy, cheap plates you always find at potluck dinners. Anyhoo, what I’m trying to say is that you’ll get your money’s worth."
"As an added bonus, Steve Farber will be there. No, I don’t know who the hell he is either, but his name is on the invitation, so he must be some friggin' big shot. Again, it’s Monday at the Palms restaurant. We strongly encourage you to be there, especially considering that we’re now associated with union members - many of whom are more than capable of ripping internal organs in half, if you get my drift. Besides, if didn’t donate to us, you’d probably just waste that $2,000 on some other worthless charity, such as helping starving children in the Sudan. See you there. Bring cash."
CLICK
See you next week, and until then, try not to exploit anyone.